The Five Stages of Grief
by Perfectly Lonely
Summary: Post Doomsday. Lois is missing. Clark is falling apart. One-shot.


Wrote this one-shot in one night, while under the influence of NyQuil haha so sorry if it is a little off. I hope you enjoy it! I really love getting reviews so please send any feedback you have my way! Thanks :)

* * *

**Denial**

2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. That was the amount of time that had passed since Lois had disappeared without a trace. Since she had been declared dead.

Clark could even tell you how many seconds it had been at this point. But he wouldn't. He simply wouldn't, because counting the number of seconds that Lois had been gone would mean that she was in fact gone. And that was not something he was ready to come to terms with. No, right now he was doing just fine living in the world of denial.

Because at least in that world Lois was still alive. In that world he didn't have to feel the unbearable pain that he felt every time someone mentioned Lois' name. It was easier this way. If he didn't allow himself to think about what happened, then it wasn't real. Then he could go on living his life like nothing had changed.

And that is exactly what he did. He showed up on time to work every single day, two coffees in hand. He picked up a carton of chunky monkey ice cream at the grocery store whenever he went shopping. He set up recordings for Lois' favorite shows. And most importantly, he waited. Waited for the day that Lois would walk back in the door and claim her coffee from his desk while giving him the famous Lois Lane smile that he missed so much.

She never did though. And all he was left with was cold coffee, a freezer full of ice cream, and a TV full of shows that would never get watched.

* * *

**Anger**

Chloe made her way up the stairs leading to Clark's loft, afraid of what she was going to see when she got to the top. She ducked as something that looked like a picture frame whizzed by her head and hit the wall, shattering into thousands of little pieces. She reached the top of the stairs and stopped dead in her tracks.

The whole place was torn apart.

A blanket of glass covered the floor; the picture frames it had previously been a part of ripped to pieces. Various photographs were scattered haphazardly across the floor, many of them torn to shreds. Not a thing in the room was left untouched. Everything had been smashed, or ripped apart. Everything was broken. And standing in the middle of it all was a man who was more broken than anything.

"Clark.."

He looked up at her with cold vacant eyes. Eyes that didn't understand why things were the way they were.

She moved closer to him, cautiously placing a trembling hand on his shoulder.

"It's going to be okay Clark." she whispered, trying her best not to cry.

"How can you say that?" he demanded, his voice rife with anger.

"Nothing about this is _okay_. It's not okay that my best friend is dead. It's not okay that she was taken away from us before we got a chance to say goodbye. And it sure as hell is not okay that the only thing I have left of her is an album filled with pictures. Pictures that only serve to remind me of what I've lost."

His voice shook as he tried to fight the tears that were threatening to fall.

"So no," he said as he gave into his emotions and started to cry, "it isn't going to be okay Chloe."

And with that he shrugged her hand off of his shoulder, and before she had time to blink he was gone.

* * *

**Bargaining**

"Please Jor-El," he pleaded, "you have to bring her back."

A steady stream of tears fell from his eyes as he dropped to his knees, too weak to stand. This is what he had been reduced to. He was a shell of a man. A walking ghost. He was alive, but he wasn't living.

"It's not fair." he yelled.

"She didn't deserve to die. Please bring her back. I am begging you. I'll will take her place if you let me. You can take me out of this world. Just let her come back. Please."

He strained his ears, waiting for an answer, but one did not come. And really, he wasn't surprised. The world had been cruel enough to take her in the first place, so why would things be different now.

Feeling the last bit of strength leave him, he sank completely to the ground. And that was where he stayed for a long time. Because the cold hard ground matched the way he felt inside.

* * *

**Depression**

Depression came easily to Clark. He stayed in bed for days at a time. He stopped seeing his friends. He stopped trying to move on. Really, he stopped trying at all. What was the point anyway? The day Lois had died he had died along with her. Sure he could go through the motions and try to move on with his life. But it would all be a lie. Because without Lois, he didn't want to move on.

So he was stuck in a state of dread. Happiness had long since packed its bags and left. And unless Lois magically came back from the dead, it would be gone for good.

The only time he left his house was to search for the woman who had disappeared off the face of the earth. He knew It was a fruitless search, but he continued to do it anyway.

Sleep became his worst enemy. His dreams were always about her. She was always just within reach, close enough to touch, but as soon as he reached out to her she vanished. Vanished into thin air. That's when he would wake up, drenched with sweat; his heart racing.

Every now and then someone would call him, probably to see how he was, but he never answered. There was always the chance that they would mention her name. And hearing her name always triggered the same reaction. An insufferable moment when it all came screaming back to him, and he felt his heart shatter all over again.

He had grown to tolerate the numb ache in his chest that was always there, but he didn't think he could handle the feeling of it breaking all over again. One more time and it would kill him. Although at this point, he wasn't so sure that was a bad thing.

* * *

**Acceptance**

One year. 365 days. 8760 hours. That was how long it took him to get to this point. Up until now he had avoided going to her gravestone. The thought alone had hurt way too much. It had taken a long time for him to work up the courage, but he was finally here.

He knelt down in front of it and laid down the lilacs he had picked on the way over. He felt his eyes fill up with tears as he read the name that was carved into the stone.

"I am so sorry Lois." he said, unable to muster up anything more than a whisper.

"I should have been there. I never should have let this happen. I hate myself for not being there for you. And for being to afraid to tell you how I felt about you before it was too late. I was a coward, and I regret that more than anything. I love you so much Lois." he said, his voice breaking with every word. The tears were falling freely now as he reached out to touch the stone.

"I'm sorry it took me this long to admit it Lois. But I do. I love you so much it hurts. And I am sorrier than you will ever know that I never got the chance to tell you."

He sat like that for hours, staring at her name and telling her over and over again how sorry he was until he couldn't keep his eyes open. He fell asleep next to her grave that night, and for the first time in a year, he slept through the whole night.

* * *

**Awe**

A week after his visit to the graveyard, Clark returned to work. He still missed Lois like crazy, he always would, but he somehow knew it was time to move forward. He wasn't sure what it would feel like to be back in the bullpen after all this time. It was time to deal with it though, no matter how much it might end up hurting.

On his way there, he stopped for coffee and before he realized what he was doing he had ordered the usual. Which consisted of two coffees. One for him, and one for Lois. Clark decided to take it with him anyway, because the smell of it reminded him of her. A sad smile crept onto his face as he sat at his desk and places the coffees side by side. Just like old times.

His eyes closed as he leaned back in his chair and allowed himself to remember. To remember the way she looked, and smelt. The way she said his name, and the way she looked at him when she though he wasn't looking. His smile grew a little bigger as memories of her flashed through his mind. He could almost hear her voice in his ears. It seemed so real.

"_Smallville."_

It was so nice to hear her voice again, even if it was just a memory.

_"_Smallville!_"_

He heart skipped a beat. That one had sounded _really _real. His eyes jerked open, and his heart stopped beating completely. She was standing right in front of him, wearing the look of annoyance that was all too familiar to her. Her hand was on her hip and she was staring at him, with hauntingly beautiful eyes. Eyes that he never thought he would see again. He closed his eyes again. This couldn't be happening. Lois Lane couldn't be standing in front of him. Lois Lane had been dead for over a year. Hadn't she?

He slowly opened his eyes, bracing himself for reality. But it never came. Lois was still there, looking even more annoyed and confused than she had a moment ago.

She stood there for a moment longer before walking over to his desk and grabbing her coffee from it. A gesture he has missed more than he realized.

"Lois...?" he breathed, his voice doubtful.

Lois just looked at him oddly for a second before opening her mouth to speak.

"What's up with you? Never mind, don't answer that. I have something that is probably way more interesting to tell you. You are never gonna guess where I just was smallville."

Clarks heart had started to beat again, and it was now pounding in his chest as he listened to her speak. Listened to the voice he never thought he would get to hear again. Heard her call him the name he had longed to be called for so long. He wasn't sure how she was here, or where she had been, but he didn't care right now. All he cared was that she was.

"It's really you." he said as he reached out to softly touch her cheek.

"Of course it's me. Who else would it be. Seriously Clark, why are you being so wei..."

Clarks lips were on hers before she could even think about finishing her sentence. She was tense at first, as he had clearly caught her by surprise, but in no time at all she was kissing him back; her hands on either side of his face. For over a year now, Clark had been in a constant state of pain. It had built up so much that he never thought he would be able to feel normal again.

But the feeling of Lois' lips on his in this very moment made all that pain fall away effortlessly. After spending a year feeling terribly lost, he finally felt at home again. Sure, they had a lot that they needed to talk about. A whole year to catch up on. But for now he just wanted to have this. So he kissed her harder, and allowed himself to just _feel. _

He felt a tear roll down his cheek and couldn't help but smile.

Because unlike the many tears he had cried over the past year, this one was a tear of joy. One that could only be brought on by one thing. By one person.

By the one and only, Lois Lane.


End file.
